I always thought being a perfectionist was only a good thing. I was the perfect little baby (or so my parents said), strived to be the perfect little Catholic girl, and grew up believing everything is either right or wrong. WOW, has my journey changed!!! After resigning from what I believed to be my life long job in the summer of 96, I began a whirlwind tour of a whole new perspective.

I was a Dance Team Director at one school for 17 years. I received the job straight out of college. Back in 1978 the Dance/Drill Team World and Education was very different. You started school after Labor Day, went to just one contest, and one summer camp. At contest we competed in the only three categories (jazz, kick, prop), using our field uniform for the kick category. Dance Classes did not exist and we wore bloomers and T-shirts at rehearsal. You can certainly see how things have changed!

I grew with the Drill Team World and at the same time became a mother of three. For about 10 years I seemed to be able to juggle everything. I took parenting classes, volunteered at church, had my children in all the usual lessons, leagues, and Daisies, achieved Career Ladder III status, took the team on a European Tour as well as to the Hula Bowl in Hawaii, won several State titles, and put on a huge spring show every year. There were two different times during those years that I was forced to see I was a bit of a workaholic. Before these incidents I truly believed that if I didn't do everything myself, it wouldn't get done. In the fall of 1980 my daughter got spinal meningitis the week after Halloween. Of course I dropped everything and found the Officers could prepare everything for the half-time performance on Friday night. I guess I required a little more convincing, because that next year I was diagnosed with viral pneumonia, was hospitalized, missed our spring show, and couldn't return to work for the rest of the year. Again, between the parents and the team members, the show went on, spring plans were made, we even got our new uniforms for the next year designed and ordered. I definitely changed my behavior after that episode.

I remained, however, a hopeless perfectionist. In the late 80's and early 90's the Drill Team World went to multiple contests which kept coming up with additional categories and several summer camps. The student was more skillful, but less committed. Even though the old weight charts had been thrown out eating disorders were popping up every year. I felt responsible for everyone who quit and had a hard time saying no to any of the many choices the Drill Team World offered. Everything seemed right, I was always there for my children, respected by my colleagues, and seemed to be rewarded for my hard work.

It finally got impossible to please everyone. Imagine that!!! The last half of my 17th year of directing I had a parent come after me. I had parent concerns every year, but this one was different. Every time I thought the issues were resolved something else would come up. This parent wanted me out! I kept trying to hold on, to make things right, to understand, as every good perfectionist will do. Little did I know there are areas that you have to let go of - you cannot control. When the year culminated in the district telling me that I was required to replace my daughter as treasurer of the team because "it doesn't look good for the daughter of the Director to hold a leadership position" I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I asked to be reassigned and later resigned my teaching position.

Since my resignation, I have "hit the bottom" and have been working harder than ever to have my priorities in line and to know when to let go! With tremendous support from my friends, family and other Drill Team professionals, I started my own company for consulting and choreography. I have traveled around Texas and have noticed the similarities some of us as Directors, as well as some of the students we teach share concerning perfectionism. I've compiled a short summary of the lessons I've learned so far:

1. It's just a job, don't let anyone tell you it's more, especially yourself!
2. Eliminate the word perfect when praising your students. You can always say, "Wow, You made 100!" or "I didn't see one mistake that time" or " I'm so proud of you, you did your best".
3. Do the best you can on any given day, then REALLY let go!
4. Realize there are no real failures. If you made a mistake, you have learned something from that mistake and if you did something without errors, you can add it to your success stories.
5. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! This is so important, yet it was the most difficult thing for me to do. If you aren't healthy, how can you expect yourself to care for all the people who are so important to you. This is a wonderful example for your loved ones and students to see and to follow.
   
6. Don't take your job for granted. Yes, Education can be a frustrating field, but I've found that there is not a perfect job and the one I will choose if given a choice is Education.
7. Stay in check with your priorities. Say NO if you need to and then don't apologize or feel guilty.
8. There is no such thing as everything is either right or wrong, black or white. Most situations come in gray tones.
9. Be proud of all your accomplishments, big and small.
10. God wants us to strive to be perfect, but understands when we're not. It's a little thing called FORGIVENESS.

I challenge you to be healthy. I believe my perfectionism has brought me many great successes, but there is a very thin line into destruction which I don't intend on crossing again. One of my Dance Team members gave me a book of quotes entitled "You're The Best". She had marked a special page as to what I had taught her competition was all about. It's by Helen Hayes: "My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice, too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success." I know I will continue to be the best I can be every day, and then be truly satisfied.