Something unusual happened to me this year! It was the typical scenario where one of your girls comes into your office to confide in you about something weighing heavily on her mind. In this particular case, it wasn't the same old stuff . . . fighting with her boyfriend, upset with a teacher, mad at her parents, and the usual. This was different and the answers to her problem didn't just roll out like normal. I knew this was a very delicate situation and only professionals could guide me in the right direction. She didn't want her parents to know . . . she completely refused. She didn't want to visit the school counselor or the school nurse. She didn't want to share it with anyone at all, except, out of desperation, me! The fact was that she had a serious issue that had come to a point where it had to be dealt with immediately . . . she had bulimia.
As I sat down to share this story with you, I didn't know where to begin. Partly because not everything I did was the right thing and partly because I wanted to be sure and share all of the crucial points with each of you reading this. This has become an extremely sensitive issue with me, realizing how many of our drill team girls have some form of an eating disorder.
When she first approached me about her bulimia, I was calm (as far as she could see). I listened for hours, all the time trying to think of the best way to handle this. My hands were tied since she refused to agree to share this with anyone else at all. I was the one person she felt she could trust and I did not want to lose that trust. That was important. I knew from listening to her talk and talk and talk that if I shared this information with anyone, I would lose her . . . we would all lose her . . . she appeared suicidal!
The first step was to contact the professionals on eating disorders, A.N.A.D., located in the yellow pages. This is a national organization designed specifically for helping people recover from eating disorders. I told "Suzie" that I was not a professional in this area and that in order for me to help guide her, I needed some guidance myself. She agreed and I called A.N.A.D. They sent some very insightful materials.
The next step was contacting a local therapist who was a member of A.N.A.D., a recovering anorexic/bulimic herself, and leader of the local support group for those with eating disorders. She was able to guide me though the rest of the process. She impressed upon me the importance of "Suzie" sharing the problem with her parents. You see she was only seventeen and could not receive professional help without her parents consent (and insurance)! It took close to a month to convince her to tell her parents. It was the hardest thing for her to do yet. Actually, in the presence of our school nurse, I made the phone call to her mother. Thank the Lord her mother realized the magnitude of the situation and responded just as we had hoped. We were finally getting somewhere.
We started weekly visits with the therapist, and eventually were able to attend the small support group. Times remained rough as the bulimia continued. The process is very extensive and takes time. One day it may look as though some progress is being made, and then the next may be the worst yet. It's a bumpy, uphill battle that has to be carefully fought. It's a battle, in "Suzie's" case, that is still being fought today.
As the support person, there are several things to remember. First, you are the support person and you cannot do it for them. You are there to listen, to guide, and to encourage in subtle, gentle ways. While you don't want to enable them, you don't make their choices either. The whole process is about healing, which is done by getting to the root of the real issue. You see, most of the time, the root of the disorder is much deeper than her physical appearance. The root just adds fuel to a poor self image and in return, leads to the disorder. She makes better choices as she learns to deal with the true issue – the root!
There are some misconceptions about what to say to a person with an eating disorder. You might want to comfort them about their appearance by giving them compliments or advice. They usually will interpret these comments in a negative way. "You look skinny today" may be interpreted as "I looked fat yesterday". "Those pants look good on you" may be interpreted as "I look bad in all of my other pants". Avoid these phrases as well . . . "You're not fat, you look healthy" . . . looking healthy is interpreted as looking big. "You look like you've been losing weight" is interpreted as "You needed to lose some weight". Also, be careful not to try to tell them what they should eat . . . don't play nutritionist! Don't yell at them or try to lock her out of a bathroom if you think they are going to purge. That is their choice and as long as it doesn't interfere with you personally (like having to clean up the mess), let it be their decision.
I write this article to all of you after several trips to the emergency room, desperate phone calls, and scary practices with "Suzie". I have learned so much from this whole situation. My intentions are that you will read this article and understand how delicate, yet complicated this can be. I hope you will take some time to learn about the warning signs, and ways to address eating disorders. Remember that each person is different, as is each way to deal with a situation. Get advice from the professionals based on your individual circumstances. Then, all you can do is be there, support, and encourage that girl on the road to recovery . . . however many miles that road may be!
